Run Fat Girl, Run!

I have finally decided to challenge myself the way of physical fitness. I asked my husband to take me running and make me do it. Actually, I didn’t give myself very much credit because I really thought that I could only run from one mailbox, across the driveway to another mailbox and be out of breath. Well, I can do better than that. So, about three weeks ago we started this regimen… and I thought I was going to die! Here it is, 8 pm, and I am trying to mentally prepare myself to go at it again. All is fine until I’m about three minutes into it then, suddenly I have a lot of excuses not to run. First, it starts before I even hit the track. My shoes don’t seem to be made well enough to run in.
Then the other excuses begin to flood my mind:
“I think I’m getting sick…. Cough, sniff. I really should get some rest.”
“I’m not going to have enough time to take a shower before going to work.”
“I’m tired”
“I’m really not cut out for this.”
“I have to poop.”

Once I finally hit the track, things are fine for a little bit and then a whole new slew of excuses come in like a tsunami, this time urging me to stop and take it easy. First it starts with the inevitable… my boobs are bouncing too much. Ok let me just say this, I’m not a small girl, especially on top. When my body starts to gyrate up and down, so do other parts, especially the two bags of grapefruits on top. Also, exercise shorts and the slightest bit of thigh fat is a running disaster! I can’t seem to keep them out of my crotch. So, needless to say, I’m a little self-conscious about looking like a total dumb-ass, boobs everywhere and shorts giving me camel toe. Poor me.

Once I get beyond that then I reach a point that I can’t get passed: the pain. Oh, how awful! How in the world can anyone focus on running miles, let alone the couple of blocks that I go, feeling like someone is running a knife through their calves? Well, I can’t. Tommy keeps telling me to push beyond the pain. But it hurts so bad! There’s a terrible mental block that I have and I just don’t know how to get through it. My legs hurt and I can’t breathe. How can I go on? I want to stop and lay in the grass and not move until all the pain is gone. Now, mind you, people talk about this lovely pain in the side. They say that once you get passed that it’s smooth sailin’ and you can keep going forever. Well, folks, I haven’t even gotten to that point.

It gets discouraging at times but when I see that I have already lost almost 15 pounds, it’s hard to want to give up this time. This time I want to do it despite the pain. I know I won’t be able to run a marathon by next year. Shit, I can’t even run all the way around the ½ mile track that I frequent. But I will get there. Maybe. I hate to undercut myself, but speaking in the dimension of reality, I have run more in the last two weeks than I have my whole 29 years of living. Long distances aren’t coming quickly. Now, it’s just getting my mind onto other things and not thinking about the pain or how stupid I look. At least I can really say that I’m giving it my all and someday I will get there.