Ignorance is Bliss

Ah, the days of being ignorant. Sometimes not a bad thing especially in the eyes of a 6 year old. Sometimes I wish I could have those years back just with different parents. No bills to worry about; interest rates, inflation, insurance. Remembering when losing weight wasn't even a thought. The worst thing in the world was missing out on dessert or losing my favorite toy.
Last June we took our son to the park. We all were on the swings. The air was warm on my skin. The sunshine lit up the grass so green it looked like it was glowing. I remember thinking to myself that I could just stay in that moment. Remembering the innocence of no concern.

Now I'm a grown-up, not even 30. I've had a kid. I've gained weight. My boobs are starting to droop. I'm stressed that I'm up to my eyeballs in debt. My mind is constantly going ninety to nothing with thoughts, ideas and concerns. Am I being a good enough parent? Am I meeting my husbands needs? Did I finish the laundry? When was the last time I swept the floor? I think next week I will paint, fix or decorate this or that. Where am I going to come up with the money for that?

Then there is the job, which requires a whole other brain in itself. Where do I come in?
When it's all done it's just time to start all over again. Is this it? Will I be happy with this? Is it temporary? Will my husband really finish school and become the molecular biologist that we are spending money for him to become? Will we ever be out of debt? Will my son ever take me seriously? When will I get to blossom? When do I come into the equation?
I feel like I've been lost in someone else's world, not mine.